Die, Die my darling

umm

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 02:07:37 GMT

im sort of sick of this livejournal so guess what kids? im starting a new one!!! haaahaha and its going to be a friends only one so uh add me if you want. lattaaaa foooos.

K

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 00:29:01 GMT

I got my hair cut. at first i liked it. now i am not so sure. i dont know... i am craving attention these days. not like from people, but from a boyfriend, which i do not have. ugh. i know. i am patheticc...o

great balls of fire...

Fri, 23 Sep 2005 00:26:12 GMT

random headline. theres a really cool website called randomshirts.com. they are random. well i had a sorta good day, but then it got a lot better. everything, well almost everything, is going good right now. my only hopes are that it gets better.

when the wind blows...

Fri, 16 Sep 2005 02:29:11 GMT

i went to super playground and rode on the swings alone. i went there yesterday. but there was people with me. this time i went alone to think. i thought a lot. then people started coming with their little babies and so i left. i went to longs and bought lipstick, mascara, earrings and a beanie baby. my beanie baby is named Shivers. i wanted to get a nail polish but i didnt have enough money. so i left with my stuff and went home. and now im here. im tired and my neck hurts a tad. thank god my dad is going out tonight so i can be alone. but i would want someone with me. that person i cannot have... or can i??

p.s. i love days like this where its cool and the wind is blowing but yet its still sunny. i have always wanted to share it with a special boy.

update

Fri, 16 Sep 2005 00:43:44 GMT

i havent updated in a long time. lets start at christina's birthday party:

We were all having fun. Melissa, Austin and Kathleen had been outside for HOURS. They finally came in for a little while, but then they went down to the trampoline at night and devin went with them. It was about nine and the rest of us settled in with original South Park episodes up in christinas room. we got hungry and got some cocoa puffs, but they were stale. chris and i renamed them to "Cocoa gangstar pissa puffs." dont ask. the next thing i know its five a.m. and i have to get up in a few hours for work. shoooot. i was having a lot of fun though. i talked with this guy named alan who was really sweet and had a tongue ring. Andy, Rocco and Devin had a dirt clod fight when the sun was slightly rising. I didnt go to work because i ended up going to sleep at seven thirty.which sucked. i got up at three and than did some other crap i dont remember to tell you the truth. all in all, i had a great time and i would love to see andy chris devin and all the other people very soon.

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL:
It was ok. I was just checking out everything and everyone and trying to get to my classes on time. I met a few new people. School now sucks a butt. but i guess i can live with it because something good actually happened to me today.

TODAY: Was soooo fucking shitty at first. THEN thanks to Peter, everything seemed a whole lot brighter, even when i forgot to do my English homework, but everything turned out okay. Only thing though is that my legs are killing me from the mile yesterday. 8:28. uhh so i feel like going for a walk to the swings as i have got a lot on my mind...

<3

uh...

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 20:44:06 GMT

well i am ready for a change. i am ready for a big change. i need new people around me, i need people ("friends) to stop lying to me! if you didnt know, i HATE when my friends lie to me. lie to your sisters, your brothers, your mothers, your fathers, your aunts, your uncles, your cousins... JUST DONT LIE TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

school is on monday. pooey. except... Christina Jackson and i got French together, so thank god.

im in a pissy mood

my clothes that i ordered online havent come yet and they were supposed to come today.

its too hot..summer= a huge drag of BORINGNESS. some highlights. but more shitty lying friends stuff. it doesnt even out. not even close..

SHITTIE

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 20:24:21 GMT

god..my mom FINALLY called this morning to apologize about the papers (she called my dad before me while he was at work and he filled her in on everything). Turns out, i cant even get my class shedule or pictures or anything because i dont have the health card or anything else that needs to be filled out. other crap news is my mom isnt sure where the papers are. she thinks she brought them with her and hopefully she did or else i am not going to school!! i have to go to the makeup registration/picture day on tuesday. i guess thats cool because i am going to Haught Street in SF on Monday with my mom...with a nice pay check:) i cant wait. i am going to try and persuade my mom to let me get a new piercing. what i really want is my lip done, but i will be okay with an industrial bar. Maybe everythings getting better. only the cyanide baptism concert that was on sunday was cancelled. thats kinda sad. i might go to the phoenix tomorrow but i also want to see "red eye" tomorrow. Saterday is christina's bday party and Sunday i have to work so i have to leave early. i am thinking of calling someone else to fill in for me, but i dont know. i need the money and i only have to do: Friday, Sunday, Tuesday, possibly wednesday, Friday and Sunday before school starts. PEOPLE...summers over in a week!! well for the high schoolers anyway. for the BHS kids, its over on Tuesday. SUCKS to be them!!! Well hopefully i can go back to school shopping soon, or else i will be going to school with the same old shit clothes that i have now...thats why i hate being poor(ish)

Guess what i am buying:
1.) Starlit' CD
2.) Aqua Teen Hunger Force, season 1 (weee)

mommy dearest

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 03:27:30 GMT

so my mom has been gone for about four days i think, camping with some friends. okay, so she said she would call. no calls. at all. she misplaced my picture day papers. she probably took them with her. cuz she pays no attention. thats what i notice. my mom forgets, she pays little attention to details (such as picture day is on the 18TH and shes getting back on the 19TH), she seems to care little for somethings. somedays she forgets to pick me up from school on short days. she doesnt pay the bills. she has no time to bring me money for work when i need lunch. i love her to death but i am noticing this in her these days. i want to cry because she hasnt called, nor left me my papers. high school hasnt even started but i can tell its going to be shitty. so heres what i am doing for the first two months of high school: i will be juggling working, school, homework, and moving. i will have no time for me, or my friends. i will be tired everyday. it will be shitttttttt. it will be crappie and i will probably have ahorrible time like always. i feel hella emo right now. i want to cry a lot because i hate a lot of things. i hate my old house and i wish some people would just shut the fuck up and mind their own damn business. i wish september would just be over. i wish i was moved. i wish i could kiss aboy right now. i iwsh i could talk to someone right now. sometimes, i wish i were dead. even though i really dont wanna die right now. but it seems like it will NEVER get better.

well...

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 03:24:30 GMT

the day i bought my i-pod. it only got worse. i couldnt download any songs onto it because i lost the software disk. only today i got all the songs up and running on my little ipod. i thought i was happy. but then i thought of something. later that day i found somethings out. and you know what i love? is that people call me their friend, and they have all these pictures of their other friends...but i am no where to be found. or mentioned. thanks everyone. im not saying go and put a picture of me or go and mention me, but i feel so neglected these days.and i keep telling myself it will get better, hang in there, happyosity is right around the corner, but then i wait and it never comes. i think this has been one of the worst summers of my life, besides last summer when i spent the whole time thinking about a guy who led me on. sheesh. what else? i say now that music is my best friend.

i-pod

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 00:13:29 GMT

today i bought an ipod with my own moneya nd i am damn happy. well i thought i was.

worst

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 18:11:54 GMT

today was the worst morning ive had ina while. i had to get up early, which sucked because i went to bed kind of late because i couldnt sleep. i was thinking too much. about life. and all the changes. i had fun with rachel, but it was kind of boring at my house. we talked alot which is what i needed. and she straitened my hair pencil straight...like someone i could name. but i wont. so whatever. picture day is coming in a few weeks. the day we can start packing for the big move. siiiiiiigh. im gonna go

its too late

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 07:02:02 GMT

umm yeah so i feel a lot better. but it still makes me feel crappy.

i want to kill you

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 05:57:07 GMT

i am going to cry:'(

laaaalaaalalaalalallabaaaaaaaa

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 03:32:38 GMT

i dont know. ehh. i've noticed i have changed a lot during the past year of eighth grade. which is good. a good thing. and i think im going to cut my hair. i dont know which style though? kevin nank just called me and invited me to trevor eggan's house for a party on saterday...ooookay??? i really dont want to go to trevors house. for one, hes kind of weird. for two, one day he likes me and the next day hes a dick to me. ag. im sure i have better things to do. whatever. back to me cutting my hair, i will definitly take some off, but not completly shorter then my old-ness...

Kick ass boots

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 20:42:55 GMT

my dad is a silly goose. i got my boots today (finally!) and i lurrrvv them x100000545444587895. my dad keeps calling them kick ass boots. ahhh i love him. my dad. anyways, we also got an offer on the house today!!! fuck yes! and i learned that we could lower the escrow down to ten days, but my moms new house is being remodeled a little bit and they arent finished. ag. things almost worked out perfectly. oh well, i am in a much better mood!! <333

Beverly hills, thats where i wanna be!!

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 05:57:01 GMT

Yes, the weezer song. its almost over...oh now it is over. what next? Gorillaz- Feel Good Inc. I would listen to something like, As i lay dying or the black dahlia murder, but im feeling kind of scared right now. i dont know why. just am:( i havent gotton a really goodnight sleep lately. i always seem tired. ugh. today i ate so many jelly bellys that i thought i was going to puke. then i ate sushi:-p which was yummy. ew my legs are kind of dry. maybe i should put lotion on them. i see some lotion right now actually. its next to the computer. i was using it because my shoulders are peeling. i have spots on my shoulders now. ugly. The other day i woke up to a sublime song on the radio. i forget what it was called. ohh yess it was called daterape. silly song. im totally random right now. well i dont know what else to do. as no one is up (my dad is the only other person in the house) but still. AG. limewire wont let me listen to "wrong way" by sublime!!! whores. ag...kind of tired. im going to bed at midnight tonight, no later because tomorrow im getting up at around ten to look for a place to ride (horses). i really want my boots. if i had them, i would be wearing them right now. rachel is going to help me with my hair when she comes over because my hair is boring. its wavy/curly (which i HATE) and i havent cut it since last year! i mean, besides a trim that i gave myself a few weeks ago, and my bangs in spring break, nothing has changed with it. i remember i wanted to bleach it blonde. haha. not anymore. but i kind of want to cut it but i dont know. i kind of want to dye it but i wouldnt know which color. i think im going to just re-dye it black because its fading a little. here i will tell you a story!! okay, so there was this girl. she had good friends, good morals and good influences. one day, her sister meets a boy and falls in love with him. they both start hanging out with this boy and his friends, and they get into bad stuff. the girl, she does a lot of stuff and doesnt tell her "best" friend. her friend finds out and is kinda pissed. then the girl, she tells her other sister that she doesnt want to shop where they always shop and where the clothes are good quality and affordable, she says she wants to shop at stores which she cant even fucking afford, and never will be able to. okay maybe she will when shes older, but not now, as she cant make money, even though it is very very simple to. she is kind of a poser. she wanted to become more alternative, but then she turns around and starts going in a differnt direction. the direction of bad influences and stealing, pot, alcohal, shitty stuff that is very bad and can get you into trouble. she is changing, and she is going to lose one of her friends, and she doesnt even realize it. she doesnt really tell her friend anything anymore. which kind of makes her friend sad. she doesnt invite her anywhere anymore. she comes over to her friends dads house and talks on the phone, while her friend waits for her to get off so they can do some useful stuff. OH GOD. im glad i have new friends.... god i went though a lot of songs.

Im a sucker

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 05:26:52 GMT

I couldnt live without my music. i downloaded limewire again. ag, im a bad girl. but if it fucks up again, ill just delete it! simple as that. i downloaded a picture, but i dont know if i like it. im wearing my new lipstick, which is ten million45678485 times better then my other shitty stuff. i wore that other stuff on saterday while i was at the fair, and it sucked. it made my lips hurt and it wouldnt come off! my new lipstick just smoothly comes on and off. sigh. how loverly. so thats all. i just wanted to tell you about my new lipstick;) <33

another knife in my hands

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 03:58:02 GMT

If i cant think of anything to put in my headlines...they will be lyrics of songs that pop into my head. maybe even titles of songs. ag. anyways, im bored...lalalalala cant wait till tuesday or wednesday when my boots finally fucking come...cant wait till thursday when Rachel comes over. lalalala weeeeeeee/what else is there to write about? my shins hurt. they are being hurt. by my desk. ohhhh degrassi is on. im gonna go watch a few minutes. <333

Monroeville

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 22:56:51 GMT

"Early Sunsets Over Monroeville"

Late dawns and early sunsets, just like my favorite scenes
Then holding hands and life was perfect, just like up on the screen
And the whole time while always giving
Counting your face among the living

Up and down escalators, pennies and colder fountains
Elevators and half price sales, trapped in by all these mountains
Running away and hiding with you
I never thought they'd get me here
Not knowing you changed from just one bite
I fought them all off just to hold you close and tight

But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...
But would anything matter if you're already dead?
And should I be shocked now by the last thing you said?
Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained...

But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...
And would anything matter if you're already dead?
And now should I be shocked by the last thing you said?
Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained...
And in saying you loved me,
Made things harder at best,
And these words changing nothing
As your body remains,
And there's no room in this hell,
There's no room in the next,
And our memories defeat us,
And I'll end this direst.

But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...
But does anything matter if you're already dead?
And should I be shocked now by the last thing you said?
Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained...
And in saying you loved me,
Made things harder at best,
And these words changing nothing
As your body remains,
And there's no room in this hell,
There's no room in the next,
But does anyone notice there's a corpse in this bed?

sadness

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 22:38:39 GMT

i had to uninstall limewire cuz it was effing up my computer. how sad!

For your enjoyment...

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 22:32:28 GMT

1. Name: Lily
2. Nicknames: Lil, Lil Lil, Miss Lily
3. Feet size: 8 or 8 1/2
4. Do you have a crush: no
5. boyfriend/girlfriend? no
6. Age you act: sometimes, i'd say older than i am. otherwise, my age
7. Where do you live: Sebastopol...ew
8. Where you want to live: Italy, with Emi;)
9. How many siblings: 1 brother
10. Favorite salad dressing: i dont eat salads, unless i make them myself at fiesta
11. Ever gone skinny dipping? yes
12. What are you watching? the computer
13. Last person you talked to: eh my mom i think
14. Favorite movie: i dont know
15. Favorite Book: All of the confessions of Georgia Nicolson
16. Favorite type of music: emo. punk? rock. electronica
17. Favorite type of car: old volvos.
18. Favorite saying: i dont know
19. Favorite fast food: in n out
21. Favorite alcoholic drink: margharitas, howver you spell it
22. When do you go to sleep: when im tired
24. Stupidest person you know: i cant say
25. Funniest person you know: Eh...? i dont know.
26. Favorite holiday: halloween and xmas
27. Favorite Food: dolche de leche icecream/gelato
28. Favorite song: Early sunsets over monroeville, MCR
29. Favorite TV show: Aqua Teen Hunger Force
30. Favorite radio station: 101.7 the fox
31. Favorite junk food: cheetos
32. Favorite happy love song: do you believe in magic
33. Favorite drink: chocolate milk, or water
34. Favorite article of clothing: bra..or shoes, are they articles of clothing?
35. Favorite animal: Wolves or leopards
||SECTION TWO: The Future...
1. School: analy high scool
2. Where you want to live: i already said italy
3. How many kids you want: not any right now..they annoy me
4. What kind of job do you want: hmm...
5. Wedding song: A love song. either that or...a green day song, maybe good riddence
6. Pets? A FERRET. dogs, cats, snakes, lizards, horses.
8. 5 years from now? maybe college
9. 10 years from now? i dont think that far ahead. ill be 24. so thats a long way away

||SECTION THREE: Have You Ever...
1. Done drugs: pot.
2. Run away from home: no
3. Hit a guy: yeah
5. Stolen anything: yes
6. Broken a bone: no
7. Cheated on a test: yes
8. Cheated on a girlfriend/boyfriend: nooo not ever
9. Gotten drunk: no, only tipsy
10. Been with two guys/girls at once: yes, but not having sex or anything of the sexual nature
11. Been in the hospital: yes
12. Let a friend cry on your shoulder: yes
13. Fell asleep in the shower/bath: not that i recall. well one time i almost fainted in the shower. then i threw up
14. Gone to church: no
15. Never slept during a night: only for about twenty minutes
16. Ever been on a motorcycle or motorbike: not yet
17. Been to a camp: yes and i used to love it.
18. Sat in a restaurant without ordering: no
19. Seen someone die: no
20. Gone a week without shaving: ew yes
21. Didn't wash your hair for a week: NO
22. Broken something valuable: no but i have lost something valuable
23. Thought you were in love: yes but i wasnt
24. Streaked the streets: no
25. Screamed at someone for no reason: yes
26. Said I love you and meant it: no
27. Been hurt by a guy/girl you loved: yes
28. Stayed up till 4 am on the phone: no
29. Pulled a prank? yes
30. Made fun of someone? yes
||SECTION FOUR: Which Is Better...
1. Coke or Pepsi: i dont drink soda.
2. Cats or Dogs: dogs
3. DVDs or VHS: DVD
4. Deaf or Blind: blind. What if i was deaf and people were making fun of me!
5. Pools or Hot Tubs: pools
6. Television or Radio: radio
7. CDs or MP3's: cds?
8. Apples or oranges: apples
9. Strawberries or Blueberries: strawberries
10. Gold or silver: silver
11. Vanilla or chocolate: vanilla
12. Movies or music: music
13. Park or Beach: beach
14. Hot or Cold Weather: cold
15. Sunset or Sunrise: sunset
||SECTION FIVE: When is the Last Time You...
1. Took a shower: today
2. Cried: dont remember
3. Watched a Disney movie: i dont recall
4. Given/gotten a hug?: my mom today
5. Been to the movies: a week or so ago, charlie and the chocolate factory for the second time
7. Kissed someone: at the fair a week ago almost
8. Said I love you: to my mom
9. Danced: last night
10. Did a survey like this: a while ago
||SECTION SIX: What is...
1. Your fondest memory of this year: when i was little, with my brother
2. Your most prized possession: my dog
3. The thing that makes you the happiest: laughing with friends
4. Your favorite food for breakfast: poptarts, or a really nice brekkie with all the fixings. waffles, eggs, sausages, ham, hasbrowns and milk. or rich hot chocolate
5. Your favorite food for dinner: ug, i dont know. my dads a chef so everything is good
6. Your favorite slow song: dont have one
7. Your ideal BF/GF?: funny, sweet, same music as i like, romantic, silly, dorky, and im not gonna lie, cute.
||SECTION SIX: What do you think about...
1. Bill Clinton: dont really care about him
2. Love at first sight: its happened to me. sort of. i just thought they were really attractive. otherwise i dont know if its possible because what if the person has a bad personality?
3. Abortion: go for it. i mean, sometimes its necessary. sometimes its not. whatever. if i were this age and pregnant, i would get an abortion
4. Smoking: it makes me sad
5. Death: im not afraid, i just dont want to die right now
7. Rap: *gags*
8. Marilyn Manson: i think he needs a therapist. but i like one of his songs
9. Premarital sexflo: wjen your ready, do it.
10. Suicide: selfish.

there you are! you can learn about me from reading that thing.

k

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 05:39:42 GMT

i have a new favortie MCR song. beautifulll. i guess i am in a better mood now. this song calmed me down. weird. but i am really excited for tomorrow because i am getting my boots:):) really oober excited about that. and then on thursday, rachel is coming over and we are having a pretty day. im excited about that! then...well, i guess there's only a few more weeks of summer left. then off to schoool. which is kind of sad, but yet, it's not. because i have been pretty bored this summer. besides working. oh and on tuesday i am finally bringing Gypsy home! doottt. i cant wait. ahh hes soo beautiful. i love snakes. and poptarts. P.S. i love limewire a lot.

feeling a little broken

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 04:45:50 GMT

im feeling a little fragile right now. i feel like i lost all of my old friends. i am glad i am gaining new ones:) and i really want school to start because i am sick and fucking tired of being bored! also working. i mean i love it there, but i kind of want to just see my friends all the time. oh, but wait, they are making plans behind my fucking back and not inviting me:( k. i might have work that day, but i could always come AFTERWARDS. did anyone think that i get off at six? thats not late, is it?! NO. god. but no, ONCE A FUCKING GAN. i am the left out pigeon. i am sick to death of it too!!!!!! AG THATS IT.

annoyed

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 07:32:41 GMT

just am. dont know why. I CANt believe i ever liked laguna beach! its about stupid rich kids who are fucking spoiled bitches. thats it. maybe we should start a show called, "sebtown- the darkside of hippietown" dont know why.

Hello

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 08:08:33 GMT

My old journal fucked up, so here i am! im fucking tired right now. i dont know why i am up. i have been listening to music on myspace because my dad got a new computer that actually works! i listened to starlit, cyanide baptism and now i am listening to my chemical romance. what next? i dont know. maybe the killers. anyway, goodnight.